The truth is I want to change
home, like right now. It’s not that my home right now is that bad but it’s the
people I am around with. It’s time to move on, to change scenery. I will never
change anything about my life if I continue to cling to what I thought was me.
No matter what I do, the people I grew up with namely my parents will never see
the real me nor will I be respected for who I am and for who I am not. Our
opinions will always be different and our differences will always be there to
come between us. Jupiter is now transiting my 4th house, Leo and
Uranus is in Aries, they are trine and I am up for a change. Change of my core
self, change of my belief systems and most importantly change of how I see
myself, my real self. I’ve done so much already, suffered so much already for
having parents who would always make me feel I will never be good enough.
I went to church today and the
only reason is because my parents goes to church not because I want to go to
church. All throughout the ceremony, I pout, sigh and make faces. All I can see
are people who blindly follow the beliefs of many without questioning the
values they are being thought. Why don’t they listen to what the preacher says,
making them believe they are sinful, that they are suffering… who is freaking
suffering? And who is sinful? Sinful to what and to who? Why would you believe
someone who keeps telling you, you are not good enough, that there is something
wrong with you? You will never trust yourself if you continue to believe those.
You will end up like my parents, gullible and easily seduced by these religious
dogmas. I mean, all that time, I was
quiet, sitting on my chair pretending to praying, I was pretending to pray! And
yet, who can tell the difference? Who knows I might be vomiting on my throat
while listening to that horrible choir. I might be rolling my eyes while
listening to that senseless preaches of that priest. Personalities of people do
not and will never change. And so as politics, hatred, revengeful thoughts and
feeling, greed, lust. These are part of human nature and if a certain religion
tirelessly tells you, you can overcome those, and then I guess it is time to
fucking move on. Stop being retarded by believing that you are not worthy of
something because you are.
My friend used to tell me that religions
in our society are invented to control people. That’s true, and not only that,
also to make money. I mean, come on, those religious organizations are far
richer than the ones they are preaching. Asking money through the context of
religion is one way, the surest way and the easiest way to make money. I’ve
once attended a born again Christians gathering a few times in the past and to
tell you the truth, I hated all of them in disgust. Because these retarded and
cultish freaks are self righteous deluded people who thinks they are better
than the catholics, yet most of them if not all came from the catholics. They
think they are some sort special people, sort of superior, know it all kind of
people who thinks they are better than others. Superior my ass! These are the
same people who would bully by using some name of some God, making you feel
inferior, making you feel like you’re some sort of sinful creature who doesn’t
deserve to have happiness at all. And these are the same people who would pry
on your personal lives and who would gossip about you behind your back. What a
fucking freaks! Back to that church I once attended. So every after their
stupid session, the minister or the preacher, he would collect money from the
stupid followers who are so eager to give money to the guy! And mind you, these
people could barely feed themselves, they live in this poor bank bed sharing
bedroom while the minister and his family lives in this exclusive villa, fully
paid for by the money of the same people who has no job. I mean, come on, you
don’t need to have a doctorate degree to see that there is something wrong
about that. Geez… you might as well be blind because if your someone from the
outside, and when you see this happening, I swear to God, not only you would be
annoyed but most likely you would vomit to your own throat.
But as I said before, I have
nothing against any religion. Nothing against, it’s just the way people uses
religion as a means for something. It’s in bad taste, really in bad taste. And
also, these born again Christians, I swear they are the last people I want to
be near with. And I don’t care if you’re a family or you’re the most beautiful
person in the world but if you are one of those people, you can fuck the hell
off. They are those kinds of people who recruit people aggressively. I mean,
like in a cult. They go around, knocking on your door preaching on your face
like mother Theresa or something. I mean, they talk about God like it is some
fish on the market place. It’s silly and it is in bad taste. Who wants that?
Born again Christians are the silliest, the freakiest and the worst people I’ve
met on this planet. Never again will I ever, ever going to be in their company.
I’d rather put a bullet on my head that to be around this silly people.
Since I have no religion, I find
myself alone, and happy with MY GOD. And to him, I answer alone and freely. I
make mistakes in my life, but it is mine. My journey in this life is mine, my
own. I was born alone and I will die alone. No one has the right to tell me, I
got it all wrong because I got it all right. I am a free man and I don’t need a
religion to give me a sense of belonging, or to save myself. I can do that on
my own. I throw away friendships because of this and I don’t regret my
decision. I don’t like people who cannot and do not know how to stand on their
own. Strength comes from us, not from icons or preacher. Faith comes from only
plunging to the unknown and through some silly dogmas. Let your mistakes and
your every work by your religion. You may be an artist or a writer or a poet,
you don’t need these religious faith to be on your own. Let your creations be
your own religion.
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