Thoughts on Synastry and Relationships

The truth is I have no complete idea about synastry. I’ve checked the charts of people I feel attracted to over the course of my adult life and none of it make any sense to me. The first thing that I noticed in synastry are conjunctions. And then the house overlays, my first boyfriend’s moon fell on my 7^th house. Our relationship was the longest I’ve had, almost two years. I broke down when we broke up and I’ve never been the same since then. I am not accrediting everything to his moon falling in my 7^th house because his sun also fell conjunct my venus. He is a Gemini and later on, he turned out to be a ruthless enemy I don’t want to be anywhere near of. He can push my buttons and knows where to hit me and I to him. Seems that we can’t seem to find forgiveness and at least be civil with each other.

Our issues escalated when his friends ganged up on me and spread gossips about me. I never had any relationship before prior to his so I really don’t know how to handle myself that time. I say things I don’t even know why I said it. I got so lost that I hardly knew how to get back on my feet. That relationship changed me. It changed who I am from my core.

Now, as I get older and more aware of my inner workings, I realized that relationships are opportunities for growth, change and more self discovery. Again, this depends on the person having a relationship. If I only know what I know now, things would have been different then but I didn’t. I have to go through such dark times to be able to learn certain things about myself so hopefully one day I would make it right.

With my Venus opposite Neptune, I ‘ve learned not to trust so much of my fanstasy and idealism. I tend to idealize a lover for good or ill, but most of it ends up in ill. My problem is expectation. I have lots of it. And dealing with disappointment with life and to my partner, it is hard for me to stay focus in the relationship if I am not satisfied or if I do not fully admire the person I am with. I tend to look for another muse or person I can put on a pedestal. It becomes more of an escape instead of me dealing with issues head on. I can’t deal with reality over all, this is just me so I keep postponing life as it is, trying to escape into a fantasy, or a beautiful idea in my mind so I can be satisfied. I pay for it big time. And I am learning my lessons slowly, but there is progress. I’ve learned to channel this intense longing for an ideal into something more productive like art or music or even writing. It saves me a lot of pain.

One thing that I noticed about myself is I get to have connections of certain personalities which I find admirable. I don’t get that every day in my life. And perhaps at the back of my mind, I want to believe that these people I tend to fantasize about would eventually save me my own rut where I am stuck. It is a dream that I know deep inside me will never or impossible to ever come true. Now, as I see it, perhaps, these people I idolize are parts of me or the potentials of myself to become. But will it come true? Who knows.

I have dreams of my own, for myself and a vision of the person I want to become. It is the person I want to become but how to be that person is still a mystery. I am just doing my best. Will it ever come true, it’s still a mystery to me. I don’t know everything, more do I know anything about the other person. I dream to be with a person I can talk to and meet eye to eye with. But it’s a tough call to have. I know the reality of who I am, of who we are as a person. We keep evolving and changing and we outgrow one another depending on our capacity to evolve.